In what will probably become a yearly tradition (two years in a row does not a tradition make, but three definitely does so I look forward to calling this a tradition next year), it is time for my yearly Haiku post! Before I share all these little glimpses into my day-to-day life in 2023, though, I’ve got a couple notes. First and foremost, they’re all titled as the date I wrote them, which can be a bit troubling sometimes since there’s a few from the same date, but they’re not necessarily connected beyond sharing the title. I leave it up to your interpretation to decide if they’re a part of the same message or disconnected expressions. Additionally, and probably most importantly, these aren’t traditional Haiku. Or really Haiku at all, since the structure of them is a part of the poetic form and the whole 5-7-5 thing is an English adaption of a Japanese form of poetry. Unfortunately, we changed a poetical form and reused the name, so I’m pretty much stuck calling them Haiku for the time-being. If you’re one of the handful of people who was about to bust my chops before I wrote this disclaimer, just think of them as structured free-verse poetry. If you weren’t about to bust my chops, then it’s fine and we can keep calling them Haiku because language shifts and changes and I think its fine to reuse names in new ways for things that people used to be confused about.
Other than that, the only thing I’ve really got to say is that I used these Haiku as a form of journaling. I write them to help me put my thoughts into words in a way that forces me to considering what’s on my mind or tumbling through my heart in a way that focuses it down to the core idea. I find the practice pretty centering, but it’s not really a great way to keep track of your life because encapsulating a day in three tiny lines leaves out pretty much everything but that one central thought. Ultimately, though, these are context-free snippets of my life since there’s usually more going on in my mind when I write these than I can include in them. I can see patterns in them, but there are quite a few of these that I remember writing and I know the events of my past year very well, so it’s much easier for me to remember the context than even the most ardent reader of my blog. If they don’t make a whole lot of sense, well, neither does life a lot of the time, so don’t sweat it too much. Just let it go and focus on the idea(s) being presented.
(1/2)
A morning’s focus
Followed by a day of slack
As change comes knocking.
(1/12)
I admire their choice
And feel a little jealous.
Maybe someday soon.
(1/17)
How do I express
What it means to be myself
While I’m uncertain?
(1/24)
A gift of new tea
And passing conversation
As I’m recognized.
(1/31)
I can’t keep this up.
In one way or another,
Something has to change.
(2/6)
I feel so betrayed.
I need time to process this,
But I can’t wait long.
(2/7)
The truth might be worse
Than the fear of yesterday.
He knew what was wrong.
(2/8)
I’m supposed to work
And still be personable
Despite what happened.
(2/8)
I can’t just ignore
The empty space and silence
Around my table
(2/9)
I’m disappointed,
But I expected this choice.
It’s time to move on.
(2/10)
My whole world shudders
As pillars, crumbling or new,
Are swiftly removed.
(2/17)
I just want silence,
But my office drowns in noise
And I drown with it.
(2/24)
I don’t feel better,
I just feel like I could be.
It feels kinda nice.
(2/27)
Stomach pains and change:
The few constants in my life
Are hard to digest
(3/4)
It’s a lot of work,
Experiencing new things.
Still, it’s nice to do.
(3/7)
Time will never wait
For me to be well-rested.
I have to make do.
(3/13)
Sometimes, you will find
There are no good solutions.
You still have to choose.
(3/20)
Anticipation
And mounting anxiety
Feel the same to me.
(3/24)
I am far too big
To spend the night in my car.
It was a rough night.
(3/29)
Nearly a decade
Had not dulled the connection
Forged in just nine months.
(3/29)
What is a werewolf?
Less disruptive than chaos
Woven by my words.
(3/30)
I have never seen
The end of a thousand yards.
There is no backdrop.
(3/30)
Pain is not a sign
That you have become stronger,
Just that you were hurt.
(4/1)
Anticipation.
Finally within my grasp
Is this ancient dream
(4/2)
I will miss this crew.
I’ve rarely felt so welcome
As I did this week.
(4/3)
A day of driving
To bookend my trip to Spain.
Made it through alive.
(4/6)
I have disrupted
All my patterns and habits.
Is this a good thing?
(4/7)
I’m watching the clock.
When do you know it’s the time
To start making change?
(4/13)
In time, all things change-
There is no static enough
To stop passing time.
(4/20)
I am seeing signs
In every word and silence.
Try again later.
(4/23)
Tired thoughts echo
As I avoid constantly
Checking for new texts.
(4/24)
I have made my bed.
I just wish I’d slept in it
Because I’m so tired.
(4/27)
Learning from mistakes
That I’ve never had to make…
What will you teach me?
(4/27)
My words echo back
As they bounce off read receipts.
Are you listening?
(5/1)
I had never thought
That such a silence would grow
Between me and you.
(5/9)
A late night harbor
Marked by a shining lighthouse.
Now I run aground.
(5/17)
Echoes of silence
Part around bright light and sun.
I have left my cave.
(5/19)
Slowly, we take action
As the future becomes now
And there’s no more time.
(5/20)
What a hectic day.
What a beautiful moment.
I’m so damn tired.
(5/26)
This place can haunt me
Until I finally leave.
This is my last week.
(5/27)
There is a blank space
In my life where you once lived.
Heartbreaking silence.
(6/1)
A moment’s quiet
Before all my work begins.
Breath deep and slowly.
(6/3)
My entire self aches
And I flail as tempers flare.
This has been too much.
(6/4)
A brand new day dawns
And I push myself forward.
Time to try again.
(6/10)
Necessary rest
Falls away in the face of
Needing to be done.
(6/19)
I feel exhausted.
I wish that I could ignore
That I am to blame.
(6/20)
I harden my heart
And swallow my anxiousness.
Change requires action.
(6/21)
It is exhausting
Being the lone objector
To this abject trash.
(6/26)
Just another day
Spent fighting against the tide
Of indifference.
(6/27)
Sometimes, I look at
Neat gardens and wonder if
They’d rather grow free.
(7/3)
I remind others
That there’s always tomorrow.
I should listen, too.
(7/9)
I’d spend a whole night,
Wrapped in virtual embrace,
Together with you.
(7/11)
I’m doing too much.
I wish I had more time but
I’ll do less instead.
(7/17)
With too little sleep
And far too much emotion,
I’m hollow today.
(7/30)
Haunted by a dream
As the ghosts of a nightmare
Demand my lifeblood.
(8/14)
Bitter exhaustion
Follows the sweet distraction
Of late night gaming.
(8/18)
How do you handle
An echo that shatters you?
The tone still repeats.
(8/18)
Still, I’m reminded
By how easily words break,
I’ve got work to do.
(8/18)
They might break quickly,
But they’re no less powerful
The moment they’re shared.
(8/25)
It is hard to tell
If I’m making the progress
I’ve been fighting for.
(9/5)
The weight of grief tugs,
Insistent that now’s the time
To mourn what I lost.
(9/15)
A busy morning
Means I’m too busy to be
Caught up in mourning.
(9/29)
As the hours fly past
I can stay above water.
When they crawl, I sink.
(10/10)
How should I react
If this silence never ends?
If it ever ends?
(10/20)
Burnout comes calling
But I feel I’m unable
To take a real break.
(10/29)
Disturbing nightmares
Feel so mundane and normal
Compared to my past.
(10/31)
Halloween wedding.
It seems like a lot of fun
Until the snow starts.
(11/21)
To counter desire:
A dose of reality
And light of harsh truth.
(11/25)
A day of quiet
As I seek restoration
Rather than my friends.
(11/28)
I circle patterns
I once hoped would never be
Habits I must break.
(12/06)
There’s so much to do
That all my rest has vanished.
Burnout continues.
(12/23)
Today is for rest.
I do not rest by choice, though:
I just feel awful.
(12/25)
Starting with silence
On this empty holiday;
Finishing with joy.
(12/31)
A day of quiet
Turned into isolation.
The end’s still the same.