Today, I got a new computer at work. After seven years and two false starts, I finally got a new computer. Now, there was nothing horribly wrong with my old one, other than being kinda old already when it was refurbished and given to me seven years as I started my job, but it did occasionally shut itself off without warning and then refuse to turn on for about fifteen minutes, so I was fairly overdue for a new one. That issue never seemed to gain me much ground when it came time to discuss new computers, though, since it mostly happened while I wasn’t at work and happened less than once a month, on average. There was a known work around and it shut itself down safely, so it wasn’t much of a problem most of the time. Which probably sounds pretty bonkers to you, reader, but it had been happening since six months into my tenure at my current job and I got used to the occasional mishaps. That’s why I started shutting my computer down every night since, if I power cycled it every day after work, it lowered the frequency at which the problem happened and meant that it was usually night when my computer hit the “on for 3-5 hours so I’m just going to shut down” mark and the only downside to that was that my headphones might not be charged when I got into work. I’d adjusted. I was used to it.

But now I’ve got a brand new laptop, a new monitor to replace the kind of crappy one that I permanently borrowed from the R&D lab on my first day, and a new version of my old keyboard that I loved, so everything but my older, decent monitor and my mouse is brand new and shiny. And entirely unoptimized for the way I work since the IT guy finished setting things up less than half an hour before I was supposed to leave work (very early for me, thanks to my 40-hour work week) and then dealing with a few issues around logging into my company accounts on a fresh install of Windows 11 took up most of the rest of that time. I barely had time to install anything other than my monitor color adapter program thingy (f.lux, which lessens eye strain by changing the color temperature of your monitor to reduce the amount of blue light blasting into your eyeballs for almost half your day) before I had to leave work for the day. I still have to log back in to most of my accounts, configure my browser settings, figure out how to disable Microsoft Edge, remove whatever junky Windows garbage comes auto-installed on Windows 11 (I really don’t like most of the built-in apps) and then install all of my testing and personal programs. Tidal, a few programs I’m not going to name for work reasons, my screenshot editor, and whatever else I’m forgetting I keep installed because its less of a pain to keep it updated than have to install it again every time I need it.

This will also be my first computer that relies entirely on the online versions of the Microsoft suite of products. Which won’t be a huge change since I’m used to using them to when working remotely and because opening a document of any type from most sources on my old work computer defaulted to the browser version of the Microsoft Office program, but it still feels like a change I’m not entirely happy about. ALL of this feels like a change I’m not entirely happy about, even though I did request the laptop and new peripherals. This past week at work has been incredibly full of change [and I can’t help but feel past me was so naïve and unprepared for what has happened in the week since I wrote this], and so busy that I’ve barely had time to process it all. Even now, three days later, I’m still reeling from the changes within the company that happened on Tuesday [what is it with Tuesdays this year…] and while I’m more hopeful about the future in general, I’m also feeling incredibly overwhelmed by it all. Which means that having my office, the one space in the building that I controlled and that hasn’t changed much in over five years, suddenly feel incredibly different has left me with no place to retreat to at work. Sure, a solid hour [well, three] of effort on Monday will settle things more permanently and make me feel like I’m in control of my space again. Sure, I didn’t have to be in there for very long after everything changed. But it still weighs on me like all the changes at my employer do, even when I’m not at work, because this job is still a significant part of my life and, for a while there, was the one constant that rarely ever changed, for good or for ill. It might have been awful at times, but I could usually anticipate what was going to happen and when it would be difficult to put up with.

I struggle with change. I like my routines, my habits, and my familiar surroundings. I enjoy smaller changes from time to time, but usually only when they’re in my control and I’m the one initiating them. Like moving furniture around my apartment or swapping out the art on the walls or even changing the color of the paint I’ve put up. Some changes can be really nice. Too much change, even if its good, will leave me feeling discombobulated and more than a little lost, and all that is setting aside how awful I felt on Wednesday and Thursday this week. Like I was getting a head cold and then suffering through more stomach problems. It was just a lot to happen in four consecutive days and I’m glad that it’s over for now. Sure, I’m going to be right back in it on Monday, without as much rest as I’d like because I’ll be spending this weekend doing prep for two Dungeons and Dragons campaigns (my new Sunday one and my old Friday one that has now been moved to Mondays and will be starting up again next week). Which is also a good, positive thing! It’s just a lot. This whole week has been a lot and I am ready for things to be less, soon [reader, they were not less and likely won’t be less for a while]. Who knows when that will be, though.