It always feels a little paradoxical to me that I have to put so much effort into my attempts to rest and recover. This weekend, as I prepare for four days away from work, I’ve planned out the cleaning I will do, the groceries I will need, what activities I’ll have each day of my break, what errands I’ll run and when, and what treats I will allow myself as I invariably don’t want the food that’s in my apartment. I have pretty much everything planned out other than what time I’ll go to bed. Frankly, it was way more work to prepare for this weekend than I expected and I’m genuinely a little worried that I’m not going to get as much out of this weekend as I’d like. After all, I’m more burned out than ever, I’ve started getting bad lower back pains every time I sleep for more four or five hours at a time, and my entire body hurts despite doing what I’m supposed to do to counteract the two medications I’m taking that cause body and, somehow additionally, joint pain. It’s exhausting and I’m not sure taking a weekend to rest will actually do anything but leave me feeling like I’ve wasted a bunch of time doing nothing or like I’ve somehow gained nothing for the time I’ve spent. The latter of which might happen regardless, given my record for disasters striking post-vacation [here I am, editing this post on my second post-vacation day at work during what was supposed to be a chill week and disaster has already struck twice…], so it’s difficult to relax.