For past decade, almost, I’ve felt a decent amount of shame every time Fourth of July comes around. The US hasn’t been worth celebrating in a long time (perhaps ever, given its imperial nature, horrible systemic treatment of its own minority citizens (not to mention the treatment of non-citizen minorities), centuries-long campaign against indigenous peoples, etc., etc.) and, with every passing year, I feel more and more reticence to even mark the day, let alone do anything that could be construed as “celebration.” I mean, sure, to most people, it’s probably just an excuse to get outside, light some probably-illegal fireworks, and grill up some food, nothing more. There aren’t a lot of mandated days-off for most people and this one, a rare time where most people don’t work that overlaps with when kids will be free to do whatever they like, is in a prime part of the year for vacations and just getting out in the sun. I can see people just taking it as a day off and not digging too deeply into what it means to have an annual patriotism festival, but I can’t get these thoughts out of my head. Especially now. Especially with the current government. ESPECIALLY given the secret police, the ever-concerning rise of more and more overt fascism, and how the party nominally positioned to offer resistance is failing to do much of anything one could charitably describe as “meaningful.” I can’t stop thinking about it at least a little bit.

I remember as a child, the Fourth of July was supposed to represent the entire country taking a break from everyday life to celebrate being a part of “our great nation.” A lot of this got turbocharged when I was ten by the wave of propaganda and socially-enforced patriotism that swept across the country in the wake of the September 11th terrorist attacks. Every day became about our pride as “Americans” and how nothing could topple our greatness and how everyone who hated the US was just jealous of our freedom and prosperity and democracy. It was enough to make me suspicious, even then, because of how this forced and frequently repeated image of perfection matched up with how my parents talked about our family to their friends and our relatives so that there would be no room for any doubt, outside or inside our family unit, that things were actually perfect and not horrible. The state of things, politically speaking, was so much more complex and worse across the board than my family could ever be (at least I, eventually, was able to leave my family situation and escape requiring no aid beyond what I could provide myself), but the similarities were the first things that had me hesitating to feel positively about the Fourth of July. It took about a decade longer for me to even begin to properly appreciate the issues at play within and without the US, but it has been a long time since I felt inclined to do anything that could be construed as celebrating the country of my birth.

The only time I experienced anything like pride for the larger political entity I was born a member of was a few years ago, when Friends at the Table did a fundraiser for the National Network of Abortion Funds after the current (incredibly damaging and law-destroying) US Supreme Court struck down Roe v. Wade. Sure, that was a more global effort and had little to do with being a member of the United States of America, but it was the first time that I did anything on a Fourth of July that felt like it was good and worthy of celebrating, and there were plenty of other US Residents along for the whole event. It was also done in direct opposition to the idea of celebrating the so-called “Independence Day” since no one there felt particularly proud of being a US citizen. Since then, I’ve been chasing that high. I’ve been trying to find other ways to feel as connected and in-community as I felt back in 2022, and largely failing. I’m not a part of any organizations that seem to be doing anything to rise to the current moment and while I am lending my voice (and time) to the current swell of grassroots opposition to the many legislative ills and literal crimes of the current administration, all that really accomplishes is to make me feel worse about the US than ever. It takes so much effort from so many people just to prevent every a tiny sub-wing of the “fascism, death, destruction, and poverty” complex from being built and even then it feels like they government is just going to go ahead and do whatever they want anyway even if we manage to prevent, say, ICE becoming the most-funded military organization in the country (and thus world) by adding trillions to the debt and stealing money from the people who can least afford more taxes.

It’s grim! How the hell am I supposed to feel anything but shitty about the US while all that’s going on? I can’t just light up some fireworks, chug a few beers, and holler about nothing until well after midnight like some of my neighbors can. And sure, there’s something to be said for being able to find joy and fun even while the world is burning down around us, but I just feel like any other day would be better. Hell, do it a weekend ahead of time! Or a month later! Any other day than the actual fourth of July! It feels too much like tacit approval of what’s going on in the country to even celebrate near its supposed birthday. I mean, if you want to gather with your friends, cook out, light some fireworks, and drink beer or whatever, do it. I’m not going to stop you and I won’t even judge you (unless you’re in my neighborhood and lighting fireworks after ten). I just… I can’t help but feel like today should be about literally anything other than having some kind of celebration. Hell, even though I’d editing this the day beforehand and went actively looking, I couldn’t even find any local protests to join (though maybe something came up after this was published) to put all this unease and trepidation into some kind of useful action. It just sucks to be caught inside the slow (though not that slow) fall of a republic and unable to do much of anything about it other than maybe not celebrate its birthday and try to harangue the people who COULD do something about until they maybe finally actually do literally anything to oppose it.