I didn’t have time to write anything for today (Monday’s blog post will be a pretty good explanation as to why), so I made a quick little parody of The Barenaked Ladies’ “If I Had A Million Dollars” (original lyrics and format provided by genuis.com). Feel free to hum it to yourself or just read my lyrics instead of the song’s while you listen to it. Or don’t. I’m not your boss. I’m just incredibly tired and decided I’d rather have something dumb in place than nothing. So please, enjoy this dumb parody I wrote of an incredibly basic song.

If I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
Well, I’d write you a book
(I would write you a book)
And if I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
I’d write a glossary for your book
(With a nice reference guide and some fun footnotes)
And if I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
Well, I’d write you some poems
(A quick limerick or a sonnet)
And if I had a million hours, this wouldn’t exist.

If I had a million hours
(I’d write an epic trilogy)
If I had a million hours
(You could choose your own adventure)
If I had a million hours
(Maybe I could write a whole tie-in
encyclopedia)

You know, you could just try out every path
(Like find where the yeti lives
And find the best path through the story
Where no one dies and the yeti survives)
(They always have a yeti. There just has to be a yeti)
Well, does that sound fun?
(Sure!)

If I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
Well, I’d write you a novel
(But not a novella, that’s too short)
And if I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
Well, I’d write you a survival guide
(for the choose-your-own-adventure book)
And if I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
Well, I’d write you a self-insert story
(You could insert any self you’d like)
And if I had a million hours, this wouldn’t exist.

If I had a million hours
(I wouldn’t have to scramble for posts)
If I had a million hours
(I’d take a nap ’cause I’m so sleep deprived)
If I had a million hours
(I wouldn’t have to foist this on you)

But I’d still write parodies
(Of course I would, Id just write more)
And hire actual performers to play them
(That’s right, I’d put together a whole album)

If I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
Well, I’d write you some fiction
(And some creative nonfiction)
And if I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
Well, I’d write you some prose
(something florid and too flowery)
If I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
Well, I’d write you a story
(I’d write your favorite kind of story)
And if I had a million hours, this wouldn’t exist.

[Outro]
If I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
If I had a million hours
(If I had a million hours)
If I had a million hours
I’d relax