As I spend time during the last few days of my vacation rebuilding my buffer and trying to get myself some breathing room to write (and some breathing room to miss a day of writing by loading up some posts that could be dropped in as-needed, though I’m struggling to come up with enough topics that can be dropped in without any acknowledgment of the day they were written), one of the things I’m noticing as I consider the end of this period of rest is that I’m kind of ready to be doing things again. I think I’m going to get a couple weeks in and be exhausted again, since that’s just how the last few years of my life have gone, but I am trying to convince myself that I’ve got reasons to hope for something better than what was going on before this break. After all, as of the day I’m writing this, I’m three weeks of the medication I was taking for almost all of 2024 and not only can I walk down stairs again without needing to brace myself, I’m back to healing pretty quickly and my back rarely hurts the way it used to on a “good” day. Hell, barely any part of me hurts or aches in comparison to how I felt even a month ago. My muscles and joints still ache, sure, but it’s a 1-3 ache rather than a constant 5 (numbers are out of 10 on the pain scale). It’s a VAST improvement and it is giving me hope that I’ll be able to actually feel better and rested in the upcoming busy months. Or that I’ll at least not get progressively worse every day.

I’m trying to be cautious, though, since I’ve barely done any physical exertion these past two weeks and I’m not sure if this low level of pain is just the ache of existence lessening as I metabolize the medication out of my system or if some part of it is the lack of past labors sticking around because of the long recovery period I had while taking said medication. If my physical recovery period has gone back to normal (one day to really feel it and one more day to feel better) instead of what I’ve been dealing with the last year (two days to feel it and seven-to-nine days to feel better), that’ll also be a cause for celebration. I don’t know if that has changed yet or if it’ll change later in the three to five more weeks of metabolizing I’ve still got ahead of me and, frankly, I’m not keen on finding out. Better to get what rest I can now, just in case it’ll take a bit longer to feel physically decent again, than to push myself in an attempt to figure out if my limits have changed. I think they have, since I feel more and more energetic in the subtle way that I felt less and less energetic last March, but it could also just be the rest I’m getting.

Today, though, as this post goes up, I’ll be starting the process of finding out. Back at work after two weeks of being away (minus the brief period of going in to the office on the 23rd), I already know that I’ll have a lot of plates to get spinning again and a lot of actual physical labor to do. Assuming my burned hand has healed enough by now, anyway. It isn’t that bad as I’m writing this a few days ago, but I’m hopeful that the next three days of continued rest between writing this and going back to work will get my left hand solidly back into full working condition. I could get gloves if I really need to, or spend a couple days doing things one handed/armed, but I’d prefer to just dive into it in something resembling good working condition. Doing things one-armed sounds like a great way to strain my good arm and I need that arm. I mean, I can do most things with my left hand again (the burns weren’t THAT bad, I’m mostly just worried about damaging my healing skin). Anyway, I’m feeling better than I have in maybe a year and while my back problems aren’t magically fixed yet and my body still kinda hurts and feels stiff when it absolutely shouldn’t, I definitely have noticed an improvement in myself. I’m hoping that trend continues since I could really use a properly functional body given how my next few months at work look, but even if it’s just months of this I’ll still be better off than I was in November and December. Anything is an improvement.

I don’t think the changes to my mood have arrived yet, given that any positive mood changes from feeling physically better are being offset by stress and frustration from my eye flaring up again, but at least I’m not dealing with another eye flare-up on top of feeling as exhausted and in pain as I was feeling the last time it flared up. It’s a small victory, but I’ll take what I can get. Plus, I’ve got enough of the medicated eye drops from my last course of treatment that I can hopefully put this latest outbreak to bed without needing to go see my eye doctor ahead of my appointment at the end of the month. Sure would be nice. Maybe this will be the time it all just works out. It’s bound to happen eventually. I can’t have bad luck this constant. I mean, I absolutely can, but maybe this is the time it won’t follow the same old patterns! Maybe this time I’ll get everything to work itself out without needing to start my year by dumping all my spending money into frustratingly high copays to get a reoccurring issue attended to that, for whatever reason, seems to only start improving once a doctor tells me to take the eyedrops I’ve been taking this whole time. Anything is possible.