It took a year and a quarter (from December of 2022 to March 2024), but I finally managed to run another session of a Dungeons and Dragons campaign I started back in 2022 to give my DM and friend a way to rest between running his own sessions without having as much downtime for our group. That wound up not working as well as I would have hoped since we only played this campaign six or seven times total, including a few sessions of playing The Ground Itself to build a new home area for our Player Characters, but now we’re back at it! At least once, anyway. We’ll see if we can keep up our “every other week” schedule. Which, you know, I get the appeal of that for a lot of people, given the general demands on everyone’s time nowadays, but I really miss my weekly games. I miss having that dependability and repetition. I miss knowing what I’m going to be doing every week. The consistency was nice, even when it was only ever me running weekly games (or, in more recent years, trying to run weekly games and ending up in the “monthly at best” zone), but every-other-week is way better than “not at all” and probably a lot easier for most people to consistently attend. Regardless, I’m glad to be back at this game I was super excited to be playing in 2022, that I wrote about multiple times (since all but the latest of my GM Suggestions posts were about creating this world and I posted the introductory short story I wrote for it), and that I had to set aside for a while. I wound up bringing back an altered form of it last year, for my Heart: The City Beneath game, but that version of the world changed pretty significantly to reflect the mechanics of Heart: The City Beneath and never quite felt the same as my first version of it did.
Continue readingAuthor: Chris
Working Toward The Zenith Of My Heart: The City Beneath Game
After less time than I expected, I’m working toward the conclusion of my Heart: The City Beneath game. As it turns out, everyone really dug the vibes of the world we built and the game as a whole, but no one other than me and a couple of my more experienced players was ready to handle the much more open-ended nature of the game’s mechanics. I’ve been struggling a bit myself, partly due to the distance between sessions over the last couple months and partly because we’ve wound up way more focused on character arcs and overall story than the punishing Stress and Fallout system of Heart really allows. With a couple exceptions (one of which I tend to discount offhand because of the unique situation of the player character involved), most of the players wouldn’t want to see their character die. They’d be disappointed if they came to any other end but achieving their Calling or exiting the game via a Zenith ability, so I was holding back a bit. We were also all incredibly new to this game as a whole and didn’t really set ourselves up for success when we were starting out. After all, Heart is incredible for one specific type of game and its a rough hack for any other type. You don’t need to use all the horror stuff, of course, since you can freely make up your own fallouts and describe things however you want, but the game is built for selfish characters bent toward goals that end in either horrible self-destruction or some kind of horrible destruction of something else. Without those, the whole system starts to feel a bit off.
Continue readingReturning To Dungeons & Dragons With The Strongest Session 1 Of My Life
After over a year, I finally ran a session of Dungeons and Dragons 5e again. Two, actually, in quick succession (which in this case means one on Sunday and one on Monday). It was like settling back into an old, familiar chair that, despite feeling exactly the way you remember it, is sitting in a room that only looks like the place it used to be. It was familiar and everything worked exactly how I thought it would, but everything also felt a little off. Like there was some detail that I was missing that would explain why the desk was slightly further from the chair than I thought and that the sunlight was in my eyes more than it used to be. Which can pretty much be chalked up to that year being my longest break from running some kind of Dungeons and Dragons game since I started playing it in 2010, coupled with my still-settling feelings about returning to a game that has as troubled a history as D&D does thanks to the shit Hasbro has tried to pull as the owners of Wizards of the Coast. Still, I was able to work through those feelings and, despite the frenetic pace of my prep during the forty-eight hours prior to the first of the aforementioned games and the twelve hours prior to the second of said games, run what felt like a pair of good sessions.
Continue readingThe Creeping Death Of Public Creativity
Blogging–and most creative work, if I’m being honest–feels like an exercise in futility these days. Even putting aside all my doubts about my small audience, my questions about my own motivations for blogging (and the work I have to do in order to make sure that I’m not obsessing over numbers instead of focusing on honing my craft and expressing myself), and the constant grind of fighting against my own mental health and worsening burnout in order to continue creating, I still think the rising theft of creative work would be an existential threat to my public writing. I’d still write privately, of course, no matter what. I’m too much of a storyteller to ever stop telling stories, be it in tabletop games or in my own creative writing, but no part of me needs to post things publicly. I like posting things publicly. I like seeing that people are reading what I’ve written. I like having this level of public accountability. But I absolutely don’t need it. So it is incredibly difficult for me to keep writing posts for this blog as I slowly work on finding an alternative hosting platform and figure out what shape I want my blog to take on that platform. Normally I’d say something like “it would be really easy to ignore this and just carry on,” but it’s actually not easy this time. This time, I can barely make myself focus on my writing for more than a couple minutes at a time and my buffer, a staple of the last two and a half years of writing, has started to slip as I lose the energy and willpower required to push myself to write when I’m feeling worn down.
Continue readingI’m Choosing To Hold A Grudge This Time
While I wrote this a day after I wrote last week’s post, this one got to marinate for a week before it went up and while I didn’t change much beyond my usual editing (grammar, spelling, word choice: the basics), writing this without the sense of urgency inherent to last week’s post means I spent more time thinking and less time reacting. There’s a time and a place for reacting, of course. We should respond with outrage when something awful happens and the corresponding urgency should drive us to act when we otherwise might not. That said, that initial reaction or series of actions doesn’t mean that we’re done with it. We can’t blow up and then move on because that will let companies like Automattic get away with bullshit like creating an opt-out system for actively selling the media created and shared by their customers and userbase because they’ll know they can just ride out the first reaction and do whatever they wanted to do when everyone has moved on. After all, it would be incredibly easy to take more than they want and pretend to be magnanimous and caring when they dial it back down to what their actual goal was. It’s basic negotiating strategy, to aim high and then slowly work your way down to what you actually wanted. So I’m going to keep this particular topic fresh in my mind so long as I continue to use a service I paid for that is now trying to wring extra money out of me by doing whatever they can to benefit from the exploitative and extractive actions of Venture Capital funded plagiarism algorithms.
Continue readingBreaking People To Fit The Mold
To sort of pick up where I left off last Tuesday, railing against overly broad classifications that some people use to avoid doing any work to improve themselves, I’ve recently encountered another system of categorization that rankles. This one comes with more caveats, though, because I think the tools it provides for communication are more useful, but I will add that I’m even thinking about this at all because I saw it used poorly and in a way that stifled communication rather than fostered it. I think this might have something to do with the group that was discussing it, whose examples provided me with the minor frustration required to develop my normally casual disregard for this stuff into a blog post, but any system used to sort people or apply labels based on supposedly innate traits will be easily turned toward ill ends by someone with an agenda. This one, though, rather than playing out in the sphere of popular culture or online quizzes disguised as methods of determining interpersonal compatibility, is sanctioned by many workplaces the world over. This one is called “Predictive Index” and that’s an evaluation tool that even some of the experienced people who advocate for and administer the system won’t praise without a few caveats of their own.
Continue readingOne Busy Weekend Has Made A Huge Difference
Last week ended with me feeling incredibly overwhelmed and struggling to deal with what had mostly been a week full of good things [and I am once again reminded of the downsides that come with writing these things a week ahead of when they post since the week before this got posted went VERY DIFFERENTLY than the week before I wrote this]. A four-day work week, a week totaling only forty hours of work instead of my usual fifty, getting to leave work while it was still light out, some major changes at the company I work for, and even a new work computer and related peripherals. The whole week had a lot going for it, even if the exchange I’d negotiated with myself was that I could take it easy for a week in exchange for doing my taxes and taking care of the final receipt submissions for my 2023 Flexible Spending Account, and I got to end the whole thing by spending my weekend buried in video games with my friends, prep work for a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, and then a successful (and incredibly delightful) first session of that Dungeon and Dragons campaign. Unfortunately for me, this did not fix my burnout. It did lessen my mental load by a huge amount [to be honest, I probably would have had a mental breakdown if I hadn’t had this weekend before everything went to shit], since I was able to take care of a bunch of tasks that where weighing on me (like activating my new FSA card, dealing with some junk mail, sorting through the records I needed to keep to close out my pile of 2023 documents, and ordering some replacement items for stuff that had worn out and I’d been meaning to replace for almost a year), but it was definitely not restful.
Continue readingNo New Infrared Isolation Chapters For The Foreseeable Future
As I said on Wednesday, I’m done posting my own creative fiction on this blog. Eventually, when I’ve figured out self-hosting and all that, the sequel to this blog will include my fiction once again. Automattic and all the other shitty algorithms won’t be getting any more of my work unless they come to my webpage, get past my filters and firewalls, and scrape it themselves somehow. I probably can’t stop this process from happening, no matter what I do, but I will not stand for this bullshit. I refuse to let this just happen to me. I will be taking all sensible precautions and working to safeguard my work as much as possible.
Which means I’ll only be updating five days a week for now. I don’t know how long its going to take for me to figure out what comes next, be it running this exact same site on a new hosting platform without all the shit that Automattic and Jetpack are using to sell my creations or an entirely new blog with an archive of my older posts. Only time will tell, but I’m sure you’ll be able to read all about it since I tend to post about exactly that kind of stuff. Right now, though, I’m taking a moment to rest, to work through the intense and difficult feelings I’ve got about this (since I view myself as a writer and storyteller at my core, this attempt to make money off my work feels like an attack against me) before I make any decisions. It would not be a good idea to rush into anything just because I’m upset about the bullshit being pulled here, so I’m going to take my time and act with deliberation. And write about it near-constantly here since I really don’t have a whole lot else on my mind these days.
Overwhelmed By Change
Today, I got a new computer at work. After seven years and two false starts, I finally got a new computer. Now, there was nothing horribly wrong with my old one, other than being kinda old already when it was refurbished and given to me seven years as I started my job, but it did occasionally shut itself off without warning and then refuse to turn on for about fifteen minutes, so I was fairly overdue for a new one. That issue never seemed to gain me much ground when it came time to discuss new computers, though, since it mostly happened while I wasn’t at work and happened less than once a month, on average. There was a known work around and it shut itself down safely, so it wasn’t much of a problem most of the time. Which probably sounds pretty bonkers to you, reader, but it had been happening since six months into my tenure at my current job and I got used to the occasional mishaps. That’s why I started shutting my computer down every night since, if I power cycled it every day after work, it lowered the frequency at which the problem happened and meant that it was usually night when my computer hit the “on for 3-5 hours so I’m just going to shut down” mark and the only downside to that was that my headphones might not be charged when I got into work. I’d adjusted. I was used to it.
Continue readingTrying To Take It Easy This Week
I took a day off this week. I spent all day Sunday convincing myself to spend one single day’s worth of PTO so that I could have an extra day added to my weekend. It was actually incredibly difficult and I only fully committed to my choice when it was one in the morning and I still wasn’t asleep. I just couldn’t imagine trying to do a day of work, much less one of my ten or eleven hour days of work, on so little sleep, so I submitted a PTO request, notified my boss, and changed my alarm time so that I’d wake up with just enough time to work out before my late-morning therapy appointment. I also had another appointment, to get some blood work done as part of monitoring a medication I’m taking, so it made sense to just take the day off, get some rest, and then, as a result of taking the PTO, force myself to work a week of normal, eight-hour days. Part of forcing myself to stick to those normal work days is the fact that I wouldn’t get paid for any overtime I worked until I passed the forty hour mark with non-PTO hours and doing so would also pretty much make taking a PTO day pointless since working those extra hours would negate whatever rest I got. So I’ve done my best to work eight hours days since then and mostly failed because this week wound up being so much busier than I expected, but at least I can just leave early on Friday come hell or high water.
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