In an all-too frequent turn of events, I wound up spending a couple minutes trying to scrub soap off my hands. The automated soap dispenser in the bathroom at work, which usually dispenses too little soap, dumped more than twice as much soap as usual on my hands. After scrubbing them clean and going to rinse them off in the sink, I had to move my hands away from the spigot, wait a couple seconds, and move them back under the spigot a total of four times in order to get all the soap off my hands. You see, for whatever reason, the company I work for decided that THESE bathrooms, in this part of the building built specifically for said company, would have water-saving automatic faucets that not only turned themselves off if there wasn’t enough of your hands DIRECTLY in front of the sensor, but would also turn off if the water was running for ten consecutive seconds AND then refrain from turning on until you moved your hands away, waited a couple seconds, and moved them back in front of the sensor. You have to let the sensor deactivate and only then can you reactive it. Ostensibly, this is a water saving measure that works to compliment the low-volume faucet (that mixes in a bunch of air to make the little bit of water you’re getting look more voluminous than it is) so that it either doesn’t get stuck on or encourages people to not keep the water running when they’re not actively rinsing their hands. However, as an owner of a large pair of hands with a very clear conception of what it takes to actually clean your hands after using the bathroom, I find it incredibly frustrating to be in need of more water so often.
Continue readingMusing
“Just Another Wave In The Ocean… Destined To Disappear”
Much like the post that talks about the video game I’m quoting in this post’s title, today’s post is about grief. After all, today (writing, not posting) is the day that Cohost has announced that it will be closing down at the end of the month. As of the announcement, the active users on Cohost had three weeks (now two) to make our peace, to publicly grieve, to figure out how to stay connected, and to figure out what to do now that our home on the internet is going away. So far, there’s been a mix of starting webrings (collections of personal blogs and websites), people migrating to other social media sites and finding each other with established hashtags, handing out discord usernames so people can still keep some form of contact, and even some people simply deciding that they’re done with social media in its entirety. There’s been so many posts (many of them tagged into the “global feed” which is incredibly rough on the website and something the staff running that site have asked people not to do too much) that the website is failing to load about half the time (this lasted for about eight hours and still struck occasionally after that). It’s a mix of mourning, the aforementioned planning of where people will go next, and shitposting as people swear they’ll keep playing music until the ship sinks. As for myself, I’m following the people I care about, exchanging contact info with the people I’d like to keep talking to, and mourning the end of the one place on the internet that I felt comfortable calling my home.
Continue readingThe End Of An Era: I’ve Sworn Off National Novel Writing Month
You ever have one of those mornings where you wake up, casually decide to blast your eyeballs with some blue light courtesy of your phone in order to wake up more quickly, and then immediately regret every decision you’ve made in the short time you’ve been conscious because the first thing your brain comprehends in the day is some completely unexpected and emotionally destructive news? That was me on Labor Day, when I woke up and learned that the organization behind National Novel Writing Month had not only decided to officially allow LLMs and “AI writing tools” to be legitimate sources of text for their various month-long writing events but also tried to get ahead of anyone calling them on this bullshit by saying in the same statement that not allowing LLMs and these “writing aids” is both classist and ableist. Which is also bullshit. The whole thing is complete and utter bullshit. How the hell does an organization built around the idea of encouraging people to write not only allow text that wasn’t written (no LLM writes text, it generates a complex version of autocomplete) but allows it using tools built off of stolen writing? And, to top it all off, it turns out that a likely reason they’re taking this stance is that one of their major sponsors for the year is one of those now-allowed “AI writing aid” tools! One of the tolls built from ChatGPT and an ever-increasing amount of stolen work! It’s absolutely staggering.
Continue readingReflections After A Failed Attempt To Rest
I was born early in the morning on the last day of August and I’ve had mixed feelings about it ever since. I mean, I’ve had mixed feelings about being born on and off throughout my life, but I’ve had mixed feelings about August and being born at its end pretty much constantly for my entire life. Most of that is due to the unfortunate coincidence that a lot of the most traumatic events of my childhood were concentrated towards the end of the summer every year, but a much more immediate and relevant part of that is due to my birthday frequently being overshadowed by people’s Labor Day plans. Sure, the trauma stuff hangs around and occasionally rears its head, but I can go to therapy about that and grow more capable of dealing with it. Being overshadowed by everyone’s favorite end-of-summer holiday is a yearly struggle that I’ve been unable to work around despite my thirty-three years of life. Hell, even on the years when my birthday isn’t connected to the weekend that includes Labor Day, I still struggle because that means I have to celebrate before my birthday rather than after it. I almost never manage to make plans in the years when it’s actually on Labor Day weekend because, no matter how far ahead I try to make my plans, everyone else winds up being busy. It’s a popular weekend! People are camping, grilling out, visiting relatives, or otherwise trying to enjoy the last gasps of summer before fall arrives in the Midwest. Even when I try to settle for having ANY kind of plans that weekend, for my birthday or otherwise, it rarely works out for any number of reasons. At this point in my life, after a decade and a half of trying, I’m mostly given up. There’s only so many time you can put up with people canceling on you or being unavailable despite your attempts to plan things super early. My bar has lowered enough that all I can really hope for is that people will remember to wish me a happy birthday.
Continue reading“Process” Doesn’t Have To Be A Dirty Word
Once again, at potentially the worst possible time for my team, we are being forced to adopt a new company-wide process. My boss is encouraging everyone to participate early and get involved, that way we can provide feedback that will hopefully push this new process in a direction that will work better for everyone involved, but I could see the exhaustion and loss of morale on my coworkers’ faces as what was supposed to be a quick aside turned into an hour-long discussion. To be entirely fair to my coworkers, the only reason I wasn’t having a bad time is because it didn’t impact me and I’m already a heavy user of the tool being forced to fit everyone else. You see, the tool in question is a software development and bug tracking product with a well-built database and plenty of customizability, one that the software developers and testers have been using for over half a decade, to the degree that we barely think about it anymore (I’m not going to name names or get more specific than this for reasons of plausible deniability and keeping my writing away from my work life). What sucks for me specifically, though, is that there is rumor going around that all of the people who HAVE been using the tool in a way that works really well for us are going to be forced to use it this other way, that everyone else is using it, just so everyone uses the tool the same way.
Continue readingAn Ignoble End To August As My Eye Irritates Itself Once More
You ever have one of those days where you want to lay your head down on your desk and just let the world spin unremarked for a day or two? I’m having one of those days today, which is frustrating because I had a decent weekend. I got to play video games with some friends, hang out online with those same friends while I cleared most of Dragon Age: Origins (which you’ll have read about by the time you read this since I was too busy last Friday to write a blog post and will just be pitching a post about that into the empty Friday slot from last week), and had a great and intense D&D session session to close it out. I can’t really feel positive about that, though, because the eye problems that are not even two weeks past clearing up have flared up again which means that even my previous maintenance care is no longer working and I’m not sure why. I could make some guesses if I had to, but I’d be shooting in the dark and firing at random rather than at any kind of target. The best of these possibilities is “something has changed for the worse” and that sucks because it is probably the case. The next-most plausible is “the bottle of eye drops I’ve been using isn’t as effective as the one I was using the recovery period of the last flare up” which sucks because they’re supposed to be the exact same stuff and this would mean that I got incredibly unlucky and was given a bad bottle of eye drops prior to my latest refill.
Continue readingThoughts About Post-Stress Crashing But For Back Pain And Getting Enough Sleep
I’m two days (and nights) into sleeping on a futon mattress on top of my old, severely dented mattress. This has been a learning experience that has left me not only a little loopy for reasons I’ll speculate on later, but that has me thinking about just how easy it might be to detect a pea beneath twenty mattresses, if those mattresses are thin, old, or scrungly enough. On one hand, I’ve learned that there are many types of back pain, some of which you might only feel as you slowly recover from worse pain. On the other hand, now I know what it means to climb into bed as an adult. And how my last partner felt every time we both stayed at my place. I mean, it’s not like my current pillow-topped mattress was particularly low (the perfect height for me to settle back on without needing to really bend at the knees, but now my bed surface is above waist-height on me (I’m six-foot-three, for reference) so I have to actually CLIMB onto it’s weirdly spongy surface. Sure, neither mattress feels like that on their own, but the weird way that pressure settles through the futon mattress into the foam-topped spring mattress beneath makes it all feel like an old, damp, slightly mildewy piece of memory foam that springs back instantly. It’s mildly upsetting to touch with my hands, but the sensation disappears once I’ve got most of myself into the bed, so I only have to put up with it for a few seconds at most as I clamber.
Continue readingSleeping On A Solution To My Years-Long Back Pain
I’m not sure I’ve mentioned this much, but I’ve begun to have increasingly bad back pain. It started a few years ago, during 2021 when I was struggling with insomnia, but I was able to fix that with some body pillows and some attention paid to how I positioned myself as I fell asleep. After all, it usually was worst when I’d wake in some kind of weird, twisted-up position and that needed a two-pronged approach to prevent. I didn’t think much more of it at the time since I’ve been having back pain of some kind my entire adult life, thanks to carrying all of my tension in my shoulders and neck, related tension migraines, bad posture at desk jobs and a tendency towards being given heavy labor due to my relatively large frame at non-desk jobs (or during periods of time when my desk job stops being a desk job). Treating those four things individually over the years always seemed to alleviate my problems, just like the more recent stuff in 2021 did. In the years since 2021, though, I’ve added a series of other little position and balance adjustment tricks to my bedtime routine, like getting the placement of my downward arm (I’m a side sleeper) just right on the bed and my upward arm wrapped around my body just right to maintain perfect balance in my shoulders. Or getting a stuffed Kirby shaped just like a pillow to stick to one side of my actual pillows so they’d stop moving away from me if I shifted positions a bit while I slept. Or specific workouts to help decrease the stress on my shoulders and elbows from sleeping at odd angles on my side (since I can’t really lay fully on my side side in my bed without knocking my CPAP mask askew). And, most recently to address this latest surge of back pain, a way of tucking my pillows around me so that I CAN’T move while I sleep, coupled with letting myself wake up enough once a night to turn over and shift all my pillows around so I can sleep on my other side. Tons of little tricks that are no longer doing the trick.
Continue readingI Don’t Want Credit, I Want The Problem Solved
I know I complain about my job a lot here, but sometimes I really enjoy being as good at it as I am. That doesn’t exactly fix any of the issues that often come up or that I’ve complained about in other blog posts, but when problems aren’t defying all attempts to reason through them, I’m actually pretty good at figuring out what’s going on. Yesterday, for example, I was able to figure out the likely cause of some unexpected test data we were seeing and then prove out my hypothesis today. We spent all day yesterday trying to make some progress in a bit of procedural testing we were doing and kept running into steadily worsening results. I had some initial ideas about what might be causing it and those definitely contributed, but there was something going on beyond those variables that was giving us increasingly worse results. While my coworkers returned to their offices to pick at the data and try to see what that might show them, I moved to poke at my testing apparatus since my gut was telling me that there was a hidden variable at play that was the reason our results were so dramatically different. It took a bit of work (and a bit of time doing a safety review of the testing equipment to let my mind pick through things without me getting in my own way by actively directing it), but I eventually figured out that a part of the testing set up was warping a little bit with every test we performed. Giving it some time (about 22 hours) to rest and return to its original shape was enough to get us back to the results we expected to see, which proved out my theory that we needed to take a wider look at the system when performing tests.
Continue readingLocal And State Elections Matter, Too
It feels strange to say this, but something not-terrible finally happened in my broader political scene. My state, good ol’ Once-A-Bastion-Of-Progressive-Policies Wisconsin, has managed to vote done a pair of proposed constitutional amendments that would have radically altered the way the state government works in what is a naked grab for power by the Wisconsin Republican party (which holds about two-thirds of the state senate and state assembly despite routinely losing popular votes) now that their horribly gerrymandered maps have been deemed unconstitutional and rewritten. They’re going to lose power over the next few elections and the massive voting power that Wisconsin has managed to mobilize in recent years despite the largely pessimistic outlook of its citizens can go from desperately denying them a supermajority to actually feeling represented by the political powers of the state. It sure would be nice to have a functional state government again, since almost nothing happens any more because the Republicans who control the senate and assembly just show up and immediately adjourn rather than actually do anything. They’re slowly losing their grip on the state’s governance and, thankfully, the voters of this state have seen through their transparent attempt to once again deny power to the governor (they tried to do something similar as the previous Republican governor, Scott Walker–may he suffer the same indignities he visited upon others–was on his way out) and voted against it. It is a relief and I’m glad it has been avoided, but even this moment of relaxation is overshadowed by just how precarious the future still looks. I wish I could just enjoy this win, but I can’t even think about it without being aware of just how we got to this point in the first place.
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