Funny to follow up a post about keeping plates spinning with a post that I’m temporarily stopping some plates from spinning due to burnout and a need to rest. I’ve spent few weeks staggering through life, just barely keeping myself going and often only by taking days off. So, this week, rather than pushing myself to the brink of exhausted collapse, I’m exhaustedly collapsing at the start and just letting myself off the hook on just about everything I can. Might as well take a whole week off if I’m not going to be doing any overtime. Might as well rest. Might as well create the time and space to work through everything weighing me down and making my life more difficult and stressful than I can easily manage if I actually put aside time for it. So I’m doing that. No new blog posts until July 6th. Taking two whole weeks off and this time without the emotional weight and loneliness of the winter holidays to weigh me down. Just… rest. Actual rest and casual activity and clearing every single fork that’s been slowly adding to my daily burdens. Actual real rest. I hope.
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Time To Breathe
The last week has sucked monumentally and I’m just not going to have blog posts today or tomorrow. I need one less thing to do. I have too many. I’ve spent too much energy. If you want to know what’s going on, you can read about a stupid argument that made it clear I couldn’t keep ignoring what was going on, the listless days following that as I chose to do nothing while taking stock of how I felt and what I should actually do, and then what happened when that choice got made for me. So I’m going to take the time I would have spent writing blog posts and either rest or focus on being in community with my friends as we try to put ourselves back together after someone’s actions threatened to rip us apart.
Resting Once Again
I’m taking another couple days off. I wasn’t going to, originally, but then I hurt my ankle on Thursday and kinda missed out on the chance to do all the cleaning and everything I meant to frontload on my weekend, so now I’m taking some extra days off of writing so I’ve got one less thing to worry about for a little bit. Back on Wednesday.
Taking A Couple Sick Days
I was incredibly sick last week. Not, like, dangerously sick or in need of hospitalization, just emphatically sick in ways I found difficult to work past. And, since capitalism required that I continue working (just as it demands that I go into the office today, the day this is posted, and risk the health of my coworkers because I can’t afford to take days off right now), I did not have the energy to come up with ideas for blog posts, let alone write them. So, rather than push myself to write a bunch of extra posts this week in order to keep my streak uninterrupted while rebuilding my buffer, I’m just going to take two days off this week (today and tomorrow) so I can go into this week on slightly better footing than I feel I have right now. Metaphorical footing. I do not have problems standing despite being sick. So, look for a new post on Wednesday and things will continue as normal from there. I’ll also have some interruptions during the holidays, but I’ll post about that when it happens. Hope you’re avoiding getting sick in this season of colds and flus.
The Price Of Burnout
After months (and perhaps even years, depending on how you want to measure it), I’m taking my first break where my depression hasn’t been a factor. Which means that, as I’m assessing myself and my well-being, my burnout is the remaining explanation for how awful I feel. Surprisingly, my depression was only about twenty percent of how bad I’ve been feeling for a long time and while it, and so many other factors, contributed to my burnout, removing my depression as a factor doesn’t decrease my burnout. It just shows me how bad things have gotten. Which is why I’m going to be taking a break from proper blog posts today and tomorrow. I’ve finally hit the point in this suddenly-a-full-week of vacation where I’m able to spend time and energy thinking about stuff, but I’m trying to avoid pushing myself too hard, so I will probably write posts, I’m just going to save them for maintaining my buffer after two days of posts and absolutely no writing as I felt myself by-and-large removed from reality by the personal collapse I’ve experienced as a result losing the tension and focus that has been keeping me going for the last eight months. So don’t look for a post tomorrow, but you can expect to see them again on Monday and I expect I’ll have plenty to say about all this which I’m sure you’ll be able to read next week at the latest.
No Post Today
I’ve been sick all week and it has been a little thought-consuming in a way that makes it difficult to write about other stuff, so I haven’t had the mental space to write about anything else and the nature of my illness makes me unwilling to write about that. I’ve been losing myself in a lot of video game time, though. I’ll have plenty to write about next week when I get back into writing, assuming this illness has fully run it’s course by then.