Content Warning for discussion of childhood trauma in the context of a retrospective about Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door. There’s also spoilers for Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door in there, too, but not super specific ones.
Continue readingReflection
Three Years Of Blog Posts
It has been (almost exactly) three years since I started posting to this blog again. The first post officially went up on August 4th, 2021, but I’d begun writing posts the week prior, setting up my “write the posts one week ahead of them going up” plan so I could focus on my editing skills and the delayed gratification of working ahead of my deadline rather than right up to it. Now, it is three years later and though I’ve down to five posts a week and am not posting any more creative writing work (poems, stories, etc) on my WordPress .com page since those fuckers are still willing to sell my data without compensating me (using a setting that is on by default, the absolute worst way they could put in a setting for this shit), I’m still going strong. I’ll admit I’m struggling to keep these posts written a week ahead of time, but I can mostly keep it up and the days I fall behind aren’t really a big deal since that’s usually a result of me being so busy that my brain was too tired to actually participate in writing something. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to write moderately interesting blog posts without using your brain, but nothing good has ever come from it for me. Better to take breaks and rest without recrimination than to try and fail to produce something even modestly interesting. Which is a lesson I’ve only just learned over the course of these past three years, actually, so clearly this version of the whole blogging thing is working out pretty well for me.
Continue readingThe Slow, Grinding Burnout Of Constantly Finding Problems
One day deeper into the week, one more day of fruitless work on a project I can’t talk about behind me. I’m not as upset about everything as I was yesterday, though I’m still a little upset and frustrated, but now I’m feeling extra worn down because we’re still unable to figure out why things aren’t working the way we want them to and how nothing we do that improves those results makes any kind of sense. It has everyone stumped and while we have been able to make slowly improving progress over the past two months, we haven’t really fixed things yet. It is exhausting to work on, mentally and emotionally, because we’re just beating out heads against a problem, and it is exhausting physically because any proposals about different methodology or improvements require a decent amount of heavy labor from me. This work has become every kind of exhausting and I can feel myself less and less able to spring back from it with every passing day. Sure, nothing I’m doing is wrong or a failure or anything like that, but it sure feels like a failure when I’ve been working on a problem this long and this consistently but haven’t been able to figure anything out. Sure, my job is to collect data and tell people that things are wrong, but I clearly understand the problems and how they play out better than everyone else (as my repeated explanations prove almost daily) so it feels like some part of the solution is my responsibility. Regardless of whether that is right or wrong, it is how I feel and these repeated days of zero progress despite my efforts have me feeling incredibly drained.
Continue readingEverything Is Too Much All The Time
Well, the day my last post about living in unprecedented times went up, all I could do was sigh miserably as I felt today’s post come bubbling out of the stress from, once again, a weekend of wild shit. Mostly one wild event since everything kind of pales in comparison, but some of “smaller” stuff bears mentioning anyway. Sure, as time passes and more of what was going on behind the scenes emerges into the light of day, it looks like President Biden’s decision to step aside from the US Presidential Race was a calculated move that could have some positive effects [which seems to become more and more clear with each passing day], but I really don’t know that there’s any world in which changing horses mid-race will do anything but ultimately hinder the jockey’s attempts to win. Maybe in a few weeks or months, I’ll be walking all this back and crowing about the easy victory of (presumably ) President Harris, but that seems like too good of a future to be true. Sure, Vice President Harris might win against Trump (I doubt there has been a more detestable presidential nominee from a major party in US History than Trump in 2024), but I bet the next three and a half months are going to be exhausting. I mean, it has been only a little over twenty-four hours since the announcement and I’ve already gotten more campaign solicitation text messages, emails, and phone calls than I’ve gotten in the calendar year up to this point (I’ve unsubscribing and blocking zealously for the past three years). I would really love it if things could calm down for a bit, you know? I’d love one of those “nothing” decades.
Continue readingSocial Media In The Year 2024
Using any and all social media feels like crap these days. Very little of it is interesting or particularly engaging. I’ve made little traction with making new friends on places that aren’t Twitter (still not going to call it the new thing) and most of the sites I’m on look like they’re speed-running the whole rise and fall of every social media site from the last two decades. One is struggling to remain afloat as they adhere to their values over what sometimes seems like good sense or reasonable planning (which is a criticism, but I mostly like when they do this so it’s difficult to really fault them for it outside of one or two specific instances where they probably should have seen a problem coming) and another is being filled to the brim with people who will just tell you that you’re wrong, without any evidence, about everything from your own life events, basic facts about the world, and your expressed emotions.
Continue readingReeling From A Wild Weekend
This is sort of going up a week late (which is fine, because there’s exactly nothing I can do about any of this in any kind of active sense and keeping my mouth shut in the moment is probably for the best given how many people are absolutely fine with exposing themselves to potential issues in the future by speaking aloud some potentially illegal things (or at least some things that could make them a target should the worst happen)), but what a fucking wild weekend we had. Nothing quite like a former president who is currently running for president getting shot at while he’s giving a campaign speech. Nothing like spending a weekend watching the political party of calls for violence, virulent hate, and increasing violent rhetoric decide to flip the script and blame their rivals for supposedly creating a world in which a hateful bigot gets shot at by another hateful bigot. Nothing quite like watching most of the internet and media either move on from an assassination attempt incredibly quickly or spend an unbearable amount of time luxuriating in the dunks (internet) or endless punditry (media) of the presidential candidate who was shot at and the hateful bigot in the audience who died. Just completely unprecedented times. Genuinely, the only part of this that is playing out exactly as it always does is the fact that this latest instance of gun violence will do absolutely nothing to change gun laws in my country of birth. The United States of America is pretty dang fucked. Not, like, in a hopeless “we’re fully in fascism” kind of way. We’re not there yet. Just in the “shit is so wild that everything just seems normal now” and “guns are more valuable than human lives in the US” kind of ways. Which, you know, are pretty fucked up.
Continue readingStress Management Via New Grocery Days And Ordering Things Online
Today, the day I am writing this, is the first Friday that is also a full grocery day since I sat down during my vacation to figure out how to better align my weeks to reduce the burnout effects of working the long hours I do at the pace I do. I, unfortunately, did not come up with any miracle solutions, but I did have a few ideas that would hopefully reduce the stress I was feeling from week to week before my vacation WITHOUT getting takeout or delivery multiple times a week. And, hopefully, without eating garbage frozen food all the time. Or, in some cases, eating a mix of garbage frozen food and well-prepared good food. For example, I’m making myself some delicious pasta sauce this weekend but, instead of doing all the work of making chicken parmesan, I’m just buying some frozen breaded chicken patties to toss in the oven with some sauce and cheese on top. And buying ravioli and tortellini so I can have some fun variety in my meals while still only really needing to do laborious cooking once (boiling water for noodles is only slightly more difficult than making a frozen pizza). This is the goal, after all: to produce a variety of tasty and at least moderately healthy meals for less money than it would take to eat out frequently but more money than my bare-bones frozen food, pizza, and boxed meals diet that I usually turn to when I need to avoid takeout. In a different living situation (aka, with one or more roommates or a partner), it would be less difficult to make sure I got enough variety in my diet to avoid getting takeout just for a change, but I live alone and modern life isn’t made for single people to maintain a household on their own, so I’m stuck trying to make do with the time and energy I’ve got during these increasingly busy months.
Continue readingBack To Barely Treading Water At Work
Well, we’re back in the shit again at work. Thankfully, that’s a collective “we” that actually has little to do with me and my current day-to-day, though there remains the chance that it will expand to include me as well [which has happened in the week since I wrote this, though mostly in a “you’re on your own for a bit, so don’t let any plates stop spinning” kind of way]. The crisis, such that it is, is technically another department’s crisis that has become ours as a result of what seems to be–from my moderately informed viewpoint–incredible mismanagement. I’ve been gone for two weeks and am swamped just trying to pick up from where I left off, so this new crisis that has overflowed into my department is not making it easy to figure out what the hell was going on with my project during the week anyone had attention to give it, all of which is made more difficult because the one tester who was covering this aspect of the project for me took a week off as well. By the time he gets back to work, I’ll have muddled through an entire work week without his information and whatever he knew before he left will likely be irrelevant thanks to the continued progress of this project [which is exactly how this has played out]. My only saving grace right now is that I know the project and my related testing equipment well enough that I don’t need to understand what has been going on to test the solutions for it. It’s not great, of course, but it’s all I’ve got right now and everyone else has been too busy to take the time I need to fill me in.
Continue readingLessons Learned While Building My New Computer
Last Friday, (two Fridays ago, as you’re reading this), the last of my computer parts (save the monitors) arrived and I began the laborious process of reading manuals, looking things up on the internet, and doing my best to put things together. I was confident that things would go better this time around (compared to my first computer build) since I’ve spent seven and a half years working at a job that involved a bunch of mechanical and electrical testing, so I’m much more familiar with how to put computers together than before. That, of course, overlooked the fact that I’m generally putting together devices that have a set list of parts that we already know work perfectly together and that my familiarity with the products my company makes gives me a very particular idea of what a computer’s interior should look like. An idea that doesn’t reflect a gaming computer much at all. Sure, I could easily find the ports on the motherboard I needed and I felt much more confident plugging in cables during this build compared to my first back in 2015, but I was still largely operating without being entirely certain that I was doing the right thing. All of which meant that I wound up missing something pretty important that meant my computer wouldn’t properly turn on once assembled and my incredible exhaustion (beyond the ability to make choices easily due to the anxiety of waiting for everything to arrive coupled with the fact that I only finished putting it all together almost six hours after I started, just before midnight) prevented me from seeing what I’d done wrong until I’d driven down to Chicago and paid a professional to take a look at it (ostensibly so I could just solve whatever the problem was an move on with my life, which is exactly what I wound up doing even if the problem was incredibly simple and kind of dumb).
Continue readingReflections On A Worthless Holiday
I’m writing this on the 4th of July. As some of you might know, either those in the US who pay attention to the workings of our government or those abroad who pay attention to at least the major events of US politics, there have been some US Supreme Court rulings that have happened in the last few days that are going to have enormous impacts on the US. While a lot of people on the internet seem to find it surprising or odd that the Supreme Court might recreate kings in the US while also hamstringing the ability of federal agencies to do their jobs in the week leading up to what is supposed to be a celebration of the US’s original declaration of independence from unjust rule, I find it pretty in-keeping with how the Supreme Court has acted in the years following the rise of the far-right in the US. I mean, it was only two years ago that they took down the right to abortion for absolutely no logical reason, also just before July 4th, and their entire history of actions and behaviors has shown not only a remarkable lack of self-reflection or knowledge of how they’re perceived by the wider public but an extreme and remarkable callous lack of regard for any of the ways our systems of governance used to work, much less actual history (as opposed to the fantastical history they make up to justify their actions). It’s discouraging to watch all this play out, especially as someone who has done what is within their limited power to work against this sort of this (calling senators and representatives, sending emails and letters, and trying to stay informed on local politics which will wind up setting the stage for national politics), so I’ve spent a lot of time this week just checked out of what’s going on in the news so I can preserve my sanity and try to get some amount of rest.
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