Today was wonderful. A hike with good friends, followed by a cookout and then swimming in the lake with the same friends. It felt amazing to finally be out and about, doing things I love with people I love. I wish I had more to write, something I’d been thinking about to share, but today was all taken up by loved ones and thoughts of loved ones.
Instead, have a poem. It isn’t particularly cheerful or anything, but I was talking about my OCD with two of my friends, so this poem has been on my mind for a few hours.
My mind is a battlefield:
a land ravaged by war
where the once green fields
and luscious forests
are now gone,
replaced by blasted earth
and barren, burnt wastelands
full of sad, lost refugees
who shy from everyone they meet.
My mind is a world at war:
full of brutal savagery
and the most wondrous beauty
locked in some twisted dance
that never ends
while someone wanders
searching through the misery
to find the scrap of truth that makes
the travesty worth it.
Maybe you can understand why
I do not like to dwell on things,
why I often seem vacant
and perhaps unmindful of
the people and things around me
or why I might not be listening
when you’re talking to me.
There’s a war going on
and I don’t have much energy
to spare because I’m the general
of both armies.
While you’re talking to me,
I’m trying to navigate through my mind
while watching out for landmine memories
and avoiding guerilla anxieties,
not to mention all the other soldiers
I have sent to sabotage me.
I usually never make it out.
I know all my own tricks
and there are too many landmines
to avoid them all, especially when
the guerrillas are chasing you.
Yet I go in, the external me
who watches this all unfolding within,
and hope to find the sepia
photograph or inspiring tale
of truth that makes enduring
this constant, ceaseless war of existence
a viable option.
The armies leave me be
but the guerrillas will not stop
planting landmines and chasing me
towards them, despite the call of peace
and my humanitarian efforts
to stave off the nuclear winter
the generals consider simply for the sake