That’s Just Bananas

Ross stared at the banana on his desk, steeling himself to eat this particularly overripe item when someone appeared at his door.

“Another banana?” Jill smirked at Ross. “Those things are gonna kill ya.”

“Nah.” Ross peeled the banana and took a bite. “It’s like the apple seed thing. I’d have to eat hundreds at once to get sick.”

“I’d get sick if I ate bananas like you do.” Jill blanched as Ross ate a mushy bit. “Gross.”

“It’s fine. It’s just cosmetic.”

“Okay, sure.” Jill shrugged. “But why eat so many bananas?”

“You haven’t heard the story?”

“I’m not much into scuttlebutt.”

“Oh.” Ross took another bite. “We were getting drinks and found some guy who claimed to know everything. Since we’d been researching banana variants, I asked how many I could eat before I’d die. The guy said it was exactly ten thousand twenty-six, so Jimmy bet me a grand that I’d never eat that many in my entire life. Now I get another bunch from him every day and I’m getting close to that number, if I recall correctly. Or maybe this one is number ten thousand twenty-six. It’s difficult to be sure, nowadays.”

Jill watched as Ross ate the last of his banana. “I was expecting some kind of curse.”

“Well, eating this many bananas is a curse but I can’t let food go to waste. Jimmy denies buying-.” Ross paused to swallow, but the mush got caught in his throat.


Ross held his hands to his throat and Jill screamed for help. As he fell, he heard the man’s words echo in his head as everything around him dimmed and vanished. “You will die after eating your ten-thousand twenty-sixth banana.” His final thought was an earnest wish that it had been a better banana.

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