For those of you who aren’t familiar, this is a parody of the song “Madam Librarian” from the musical, “The Music Man.” I came up with it one morning while putting a D&D game together to fill my then-empty Sunday evenings, since I was one confirmation short of a 4-person party. My friend was expressing some hesitance because he didn’t have much free time to dedicate to the game, but didn’t want to just phone it in either. On the spur of the moment, I wrote the sentence “play a barbarian” and heard it in my head to the tune of this song. I followed it up with a couple more lines of a possible parody for my own amusement, but my friend recognized what I was doing and commented on it. So I wrote the whole parody. Which you can now enjoy.

A Note: None of the speaking parts are represented in this parody. Just the actual song lyrics.

Are you in?
Can we now begin?
What can I say, my friend, to make this end?
I need you to pick a class so we can now begin. Are you in?

Heaven help me, if you don’t make a decision
Then we will start playing without you.
Fifteen minutes until we begin… Play a barbarian.

What can I say, my friend, to make this end?
Just play a ragey, ragey, ragey barbarian. Are you in?

If I have mercy, and I give you advantage on stat roles,
Would you please just make a character
With some urgency so we can begin. Play a barbarian.

Now if you want to, you could just wing it.
If you want to.
And then no one would know that you didn’t 
Properly prepare for today
If you sit down and simply play. 

It would be far more clear if you adhere
To playing a hitty, smacky barbarian. Are you in?

You’re now out of time, make a decision
Will you be sitting out, perhaps? Are you actually in?
Stop dithering around and making this awful din.
Decide: are you in? Play a barbarian