I cannot remember the last time I was this busy. I mean, a lot of this is stuff I’ve chosen to do and could technically choose to not do, but I’ve made commitments to myself and other people already and I always follow through on my commitments when possible. Work’s been constantly lately. All the chances for breaks and letting my mind rest are done except for the time it takes for software updates to do their job. That’s the only time during my work day when I can let my mind wander and it’s generally not enough time to do much of anything other than have a stray thought or check my discord notifications. After work, I’ve got errands or chores (especially now that I hit the point where I can’t keep putting things off), some kind of plans usually, and then the endless work of trying to get things up and running in my new Final Fantasy 14 FC so that I can eventually take a break, which it’s own set of almost endless tasks that just need a little time and attention when I can spare them now that all the urgent stuff is done. Plus, of course, my crafting workshops, my desire to play other video games, two episodes of The Sopranos to watch, various podcasts, and whatever other entertainment options I’m forgetting since my time away from work is currently focused on whatever plans I’ve made, recording wrestling shows every week, doing stuff for the FC, and then doing stuff so I don’t wind up hating Final Fantasy 14 because all I do in it is work (which currently means jostling my priority order a bit every day so I can do some of the “fun” work rather than just whatever is most important and/or urgent).

Thankfully, all of the urgent stuff that isn’t a part of the job that pays my bills and keeps a roof over my head is taken care of. If some of this stuff takes me a couple extra days, well, then it takes me a couple extra days. I’m doing it all for love of the game, not pay, so I can adjust anyone’s expectations if they start to get entitled or impatient. I mean, yeah, I offered to do stuff for them, but I have not asked for anything in return and will get to it when I get to it. They have plenty of other options if they do not want to wait and that would just be one less thing for me to do. Everybody would win. So far, no one is complaining, though. I’ve just been mentally preparing myself for the possibility because I will absolutely fold, drop everything, and do the thing they asked me to do if I’m not mentally prepared to stand my ground and keep to my current priority list.

Part of what’s causing this pile up is that I genuinely do not have time for stuff at work anymore. I used to be able to sneak in bits of writing, research, educational stuff, updating resources, and all that kind of work into my little breaks at work but I’ve been so busy at work every day for the past four weeks that I lost my blog buffer and am currently writing this one or two sentences at a time when I can get back to my desk around all the testing I’m doing. So if this feels disjointed, sorry, but I probably haven’t had the time to do much editing yet since grammatical errors and smooth paragraph structures are a lower priority than literally anything else I could do being during breaks at work or in my evenings. There’s just so much to do even when I get home. I spent my night “off” the game doing laundry and tidying up my apartment rather than playing avowed or reading something like I’d planned. And when I finished my necessary tasks “early” last night, I went and did dishes. And tonight, if I have any free time around my various to-dos, I’m either going to clean my bathroom or write-up my notes from a recent FC officers meeting. Or both, if I can swing them.

There will likely be a two-and-a-half-to-three-hour gap in there whgere I will be farming wings (a type of mount) in the most recent FF14 Extreme trials with my group, and that will be fun but tiring. It’ll be rewarding, too, if we get enough clears for everyone to get their wings, but that’s still a pretty big chunk of time that I can’t help but think of all the things I could do instead. I need to spend time enjoying myself, though, or as my friend pointed out, I am going to come to resent the game. Which is fair. I’ve complained about stuff a lot in the past, all of which feels incredibly trivial now. But things were fine then, so stressful stuff was a problem. Now I’m in Work/Crisis Mode and I can keep this up indefinitely. Well, mostly indefinitely. I definitely aggravated a workplace shoulder strain type injury by spending my recovery days doing a lot of clicking my mouse, which has not only messed with my shoulder but left my entire right arm feelings kinda murky and not great (I’ve been recovering since Monday though, so it’s not like I’ve really hurt anything: I noticed and stopped before it got that far). But I definitely maybe need more breaks than I’m genenerally giving myself right now. Speaking of which, time to go get some more other work done. Something that doesn’t involve sitting at a computer though, so I am technically giving my arm a break.