There used to be a through-line to my blog posts. Probably not something anyone but me would notice or know, but I could follow each post from one to the next as a solid chain of thought that ended with whatever blog post was my last-written. A chain sometimes mixed up or interrupted by more urgent-feeling posts or that broke up stuff I was obsessing over in order to give myself more time to think it through or an opportunity to let it breathe. Now… For a while now, there hasn’t been. I don’t know exactly when it changed, maybe in March or February, that through-line is gone. Each post feels like a disjointed pile of thoughts scraped together to form some kind of internal coherence with no real connection to the other posts. At least not for me. There’s thematic connections, topic connections, and so on, but those are the sorts of notes and labels you apply after the fact. The thought at the center of each is disjointed and disconnected in a way I have labored to hide. Maybe that’s part of why I’m having such a difficult time writing lately…
Continue readingMonth: July 2026
Reflections On A Quiet, Busy Week
I’ve been busy. Normally, I’d dig deep and find the time or energy to write a blog post no matter how busy work was, but my days and nights have had a lot going on. Monday, after I wrote the one blog post I published earlier this week, I had my weekly hangout with my friend. Tuesday was my night away from my PC (though I still wound up spending some time there to take care of a few things) to watch more of The Sopranos so I could listen to the next Media Club Plus episode. Then Wednesday night I worked right up until I had to leave so I could scarf down some kind of dinner and then go do wing farming with my group. After that, I realized I was behind schedule on producing some stuff for my free company, so I spent a bunch of time on that and crafting collectibles to turn in. Tonight, I haven’t got anything planned, but it is my third super busy work day in a row and I’ll admit I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to energy. I just… Haven’t had the time or energy to write. So I didn’t.
Continue readingStepping Back Into The Same Mess I Left Two Weeks Ago
A two-week break. More or less, anyway. It’s difficult to take a break when you have to justify to yourself, your harshest critic, why you’re taking so much time away from work when you’re already just a small step away from financial precarity. Hard to justify rest at a time in your life when little is certain and there are always things to do. I remarked to my therapist, as I was entering my second day of this unplanned break and realizing that I needed more than just a couple “normal” work weeks would provide, that part of the reason I hesitated to do anything like this is because the problem at the core of my exhaustion is burnout. I’ve given everything I had and more to keep going on now there’s nothing left but enough of a spark to sputter along enough to keep myself financially solvent and alive. Little remains beyond what I can scrape together on a day-to-day basis. Nice as this two weeks of rest have been, they can’t solve that problem. Typically, this kind of burnout requires multiple months of rest, which requires a degree of financial stability I’m not sure I will ever have at this rate. That I won’t have for another few years at the earliest. It is better than nothing. It will help me get through the next couple months at least. I hope. I don’t know how long it will last, actually, since a rough week at work could burn through everything I’ve recovered.
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