Every so often, I have a day where I just hit my limits. All of them. Just, every single limit I have gets struck throughout the day and I wind up overwrought, exhausted, and out of sorts. Today was one such day. I had therapy, an incredibly busy work day, and lots of pressure at work that used up every ounce of mental capacity and energy I had. Since I was working from home, I pushed myself on my pre-work exercise routine until I couldn’t safely push myself further. That exhaustion was compounded by not sleeping well last night (and most of this week), having to deal with moving curtains/covering my final window with plastic wrap, AND the ridiculous shift in weather and temperature that has all my joints aching like huge temperature and pressure shifts always do (and the storm hasn’t even started! Not to mention the huge temperature and pressure change to come once this storm passes).
When all is said and done, I am just done with today. Unfortunately, though, today is not done with me. Lots of proper self-care still exists. I have to cook, I have to do a few eyecare things, I have to write this blog, I need to journal, the holidays are approaching, and I have to find a way to cope with how much pressure I feel at work. I think it will be fine, but right now it just feels like an alarm is going off and I can’t find the button to silence it because I can’t think due to the alarm going off. As someone whose smoke detector was doing “low battery” chirps at 3am three days after moving into this apartment, I am entirely familiar with that level of misery and incapability.
It’s not all bad, though. Therapy was helpful, if exhausting. The pressure at work is very low stakes and should be helpful for me career-wise. My apartment finally being sealed against the cold will help in the future, colder months, and the warm weather today meant that I could enjoy one more day without a sweatshirt during my daily walk. Plus, there are few joys like sitting cozily inside as a storm rages outside. It might be a very windy storm that could knock out my power, but it will be enjoyable and pleasant up to that point. And, you know, maybe with nothing else to do in a power outage situation, I might actually be able to get to sleep early for once this year.
I just need to take a break, relax a little bit, and get some rest. Everything will be more manageable in the morning. I did a lot today, got a lot done (used up almost an entire page on my to-do list, which normally takes two pretty busy days), and am better prepared than ever for the roads ahead. I just need to rest and stop spinning myself into spirals of depression, anxiety, and panic. Easier said than done, of course, but some time away from my computer and a good meal should help with that. And some water. Always plenty of water.