I Am So Tired But Will Not Stop To Rest

After some initial bumpiness that involved scheduling sessions 3 weeks out, the Dungeons and Dragons campaign that used to be my Sunday game is now sorta back on track. It’s only been a coupla sessions of more regular playing, but it seems like it having the flexibility to schedule around busy weekend days should get us up from once every three and a half-ish weeks to every other week on average. Maybe a little less frequent than that, but not by much. I would enjoy that, even if it would be exhausting and stressful to be running that campaign on top of whatever winds up taking place weekly on Sundays, not to mention the Friday game I run or play in (it alternates irregularly these days), my coworker game on every second or third Tuesday, and the game I play in on Thursdays. And that doesn’t even mention my busy work schedule with my job, my non-tabletop roleplaying game obligations, and the endless labor that goes into being an adult with a household I must maintain. Honestly, as I look to the future (especially in light of the work news we all got today that makes it look like I might wind up doing more overtime than ever), I feel myself already growing tired and exhausted.

After last week’s special project left me entirely spent, the past weekend’s emotional drain from two excellent shows, and my constant business has prevented me from doing much recovery, I started this week feeling incredibly tired and worn out. As today has played out, I’ve only gotten more so. Partly because I couldn’t quiet my mind enough to get to sleep at a reasonable hour last night (spent a bunch of time trying to figure out how to preserve the Pokérus-infected Pokémon I had in my Pokémon X-version so I could maintain access to the beneficial virus going forward and that eventually put me to sleep), and partly because today (the day I wrote this) was going fine and dandy until about two in the afternoon when a casual conversation about some testing plans turned into a long meeting about parts shortages and how hellish the entire department’s lives are probably going to be for the next few to several months. I anticipate extra overtime in my future. Which will be nice on the money side of things and terrible on every other possible side of things. I’m already burned out. This is only going to exacerbate that.

I’ve been trying to get all my projects back on track so I can keep doing things I find fulfilling while I balance my work and social obligations, all while working on a long-term personal project (the thing that took up a bunch of my time last week, the specifics of which I’m avoiding until it either pans out or doesn’t) that’s been going on for months, running a bunch of tabletop roleplaying game campaigns, and trying to improve my mental and physical well-being through careful management of my home, physical activity, and stress levels. Needless to say, I have no idea how or if I’m going to be able to manage that at all this week or even this month now as gears abruptly shift at work and my hopes for a calm week evaporate like so much morning dew on a warm October day.

I’m mostly trying to take it all one day at a time. I’m leaning on the systems I’ve created to manage my mental effort and hoping that a few nights of decent sleep mixed with not needing to spend two to three hours after work every night on a special, high-stress portion of my personal project will at least help me unwind a little. I’ve got plenty of Friends at the Table to listen to (over again, of course, in addition to all the as-yet unheard Patreon content), a desire to play through Fire Emblem: Three Houses again, and plenty of easy-to-prepare food. I have zero plans to do anything but partake of those three things once I finish with this blog post. Nothing but quiet strategy games, noisy podcasts, and tasty food for me tonight.

Tomorrow is more D&D, Wednesdy is my weekly gaming night, Thursday is more different D&D, Friday is probably D&D but who knows, Saturday is visiting my sister for her birthday, and then Sunday I can rest. While, you know, doing laundry. And maybe working on Infrared Isolation chapters so I’m not falling behind again. Or maybe at least doing some work to get myself set up to really start jamming through them in November since finishing the rewrite is my goal for National Novel Writing Month this year. And then probably editing the thing I wrote last year as my personal project from then on. And who knows what else. There’s always so much to do and I don’t want to give any of it up, so hopefully I can work through my list before stress or exhaustion take me out.

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